SAN’T YAGO– HOW TO GET LOTS OF BEADS

Before I subject you to another Tampa parade (What? Don’t Tampa people have anything better to do?) let me say the San’t Yago Knight Parade is the craziest of the parades that crash this city. The parade begins like all the other parades… the same floats… the same costumes… lots of beads. But this parade is notorious for having flashers, cops who don’t care as much, and occuring in Tampa’s dark Ybor City (worn out club district). 

At night’s end, I had a mere five beads weighing me down. How could the night have gone differently? Behold, thus follows my observance of the party-goers in order to teach others how to get more beads. 

1.) Press against the fence
Although people in the parade enjoy throwing beads into the air, many of the walkers (my nickname for those in the parade who aren’t lucky enough to get on the floats) enjoy placing the beaded necklaces around their victim’s head. Although people bring their children to this parade– and therefore automatically are unfit to be parents– at least many party-goers allow the children to be up front. I think the mere fact that parade walkers see a child along the route fills them with pity and therefore give them lots of beads.
  
2.) Make it a game
A lady wore a plunger on her head enticing people on floats to try and score by successfully throwing beads around the device. Many others bring butterfly nets. The most creative sight at the parade was an old man with a homemade fishing pole who would “catch” the stray beads along the street that parade goers couldn’t reach. He caught more at the San’t Yago parade than if he had fished the aquariums at SeaWorld.
  
3.) Cleavage beats penis
A young lady in front of me received two gold stars– she was pressed against the fence AND wore a looooow-cut top. If beads were mere pennies she could have bought a Ferrari. Men (of course… who else?) along the parade route would stop, hug her, and bead her… and more. Ladies around me watched in disgust as a stranger stuck a temporary tattoo against her chest using his tongue. Sadly, cute guys along the route aren’t granted more beads.
  
4.) Desperate? Time to flash.
Once the parade ends, most of the action transfers to Centro Ybor. If you see a crowd of men that look like the picture to the right… expect to see something that normally belongs behind a shower curtain… and yes, you have to have a cleavage for this suggestions as well True, most of the flashing would have occurred with or without gaining beads… but don’t tell that to the generous men handing out beads.

Meanwhile, I sit content with my five beads. Although I have listed the methods for grabbing lots of beads at the next San’t Yago parade… don’t expect to see me with a plunger on my head next year. 

Click on my pictures to view the parade with me. 

Date of parade: February 5, 2010
Fee: Free (but parking in the area ranges between $5-20)
Location: Ybor City near downtown Tampa
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