IF THEME PARKS GOT INTO A DANCE-OFF…

Smaller Bill and Ted dance number
A smaller dance number from 2010's Bill and Ted

I cringed as the sexy females strutted towards the back unbuttoning their blouses while timing their steps to the pulsing music. I wasn’t cringing at the mini-stripping… I cringed at the dancing. It was awful!

It’s still the season for theme parking and Halloween events are still fresh in my skull. In hosting such a top-notch Halloween event featuring crazy special effects and over-the-top scares, you’d figure Universal Studios in Orlando can invest in decent dancers. I sat open-mouthed during the always funny Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure Show at Halloween Horror Nights. Jokes were corny, but funny. Acting was great (this is freakin’ Universal Studios after all) but the dancing? I didn’t remember this many dance numbers at past Halloween Horror Nights events… and perhaps it was better left that way. It was like watching my high school’s junior cheerleaders returning from a strip club– stab my eyes!

All together in Fiends

And yes Disney, we know you somehow manage to grab every budding and aging singers, actors and pop dancers so I can’t really talk about you.

Meanwhile, Busch Gardens Tampa has become the next choice for artists who have either been rejected by Disney or prefer the coast. I always watch jealously during every Fiends show at Howl-O-Scream. Although the script has barely changed, my eyes can’t help but wander to the “sexy nurses.” Not only are they eye-catching in pink wigs and skimpy nurse outfits, but they can DANCE (individual and as a group)! And if you can’t fill the nurses’ D-cups, there’s always room for more dancers as the cute, purple-wigged “bat ladies.” And did I mention singing? BGT seems to enjoy throwing its talented singers into everything… there’s even singing in its animal show!

Singing at dancing with animals at BGT's Critter Castaways

So Universal Studios… why? I love you as a theme park, but why did your Halloween show try to be a dance-off? Between its Horror Make-Up Show, Sinbad and many acting moments throughout the park, I realized there are NO performance involving singing or dancing. The “dancers” at Bill and Ted were probably all strictly actors forced to dance… but whyyyyy? Was the sudden burst of dancing, sexiness and lip-synching an attempt to jab at Howl-O-Scream? And Disney, we know you’ll never put on a massively sexy show.

I’m not trying to convince you to visit one theme park event over another. This is just merely an observation from a theme park snob.

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